Mom’s Graduation
July 15, 2011
My mom graduated last Thursday. She breathed her last breath on earth and immediately entered into the Presence of Jesus, tasting of life as she never dreamed possible. Her battle with cancer, which lasted for over two years, is ended….real life is begun. That’s what Jesus promises for all who trust in Him. I’m incredibly thankful for the hope of this promise, which brings significant comfort in the midst of the sadness we feel.
Yesterday we celebrated her life at a memorial service in Wichita. Hundreds of people gathered, all having been touched in some way by my mom’s generous and caring spirit. Over the past few days, my brother, sister, dad and I have been reminiscing about mom’s life and how blessed we were by her. We laughed together about how many times mom backed the car into parking lot poles–even when it was the only pole in the lot. We remembered how mom never met a stranger and could actively engaged in conversation with anyone. We remembered how, when mom would visit us, she could never just be a guest but was always up and around, wanting to help do something. When we would visit, she always had multiple snack/dessert/jello options for us to enjoy and spent most of the time making sure we were full and satisfied. My mom was constantly giving. That was her love language and she spoke it well. We will miss her.
One of the things I was especially thankful for was the advice given my by a friend about a month ago. As we were preparing to visit Mom in Wichita in early June, he said to me that one of his regrets, when his mom died a few years ago, was that he had not read to her before her death the tribute he had written about her. It is funny how we say so many nice things about people at their funerals but often don’t say those same things to them when they are alive. So I took his advice to heart. During our visit in early June, I had each of our kids, as well as Raylene and me, write Mom a tribute, expressing to her our gratitude and love for her as well as some of the memories that stood out in our hearts. Then, right before we left, we each read it to her. It was a really cool experience. That was the last time my children and Raylene saw Mom alive.
Later when I visited by myself to help my dad take care of Mom, I had another opportunity to say some things that were on my heart. At that point, I’m not sure she even heard what I was saying, but it felt important for my heart to say those things. “Say what you need to say”—that song has been going through my head this past month. Good advice. I’m thankful God gave me opportunity to express those things to Mom before she passed away. Is there anyone you need to let know how much you value and appreciate?
July 20, 2011 at 12:49 am
Thanks for sharing here, Alan, about what your mom means/meant to you in her life. That is excellent advice to be sure to share what a person means to you before you lose them…and not just after they are gone.
I also, wanted to recommend to you the griefshare website. (griefshare.org) There is many resources there. This is a really great tool to help a person through grief. One of those is a daily email that can be sent to you for 365 days. You can easily sign up for emails there. Each email has a very short topic on grief and scripture. It is absolutely amazing how God knows to give you what you need to hear each day. Grief is so very personal. One person may be gone, but the loved ones that are dealing with the grief of this one, can all experience grief very differently daily and even moment to moment. I would also recommend going through the video series. Having gone through it myself while dealing with an unexpected close loss to my family and later as a facilitator, I can testify that it is definitely a great source. I just wanted to let you know about that, Alan. My heart and soul grieve for your loss of such a sweet and loving woman as I just learned here. Such hope that she is with Jesus now. How awesome is that?!
July 25, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Thanks Renee for your note and suggestion. That 365 day devotional looks wonderful.
October 20, 2011 at 10:18 pm
Pastor Alan, yesterday marks the 3 month anniversary of my step mothers death. She to, had a battle with cancer. For the last 64 years she has worked like an ox. She entered my life when I was 8 and loved me, my sister and my dad for 23 years. She went in because she wasn’t feeling well and the hospital told her it was depression. My dad was in PA working to support his household as construction in CO came to a screetching hault. He received a phone call from one of his close friends urging him to come home as Annie wasn’t doing well at all. As time passed, she lost the ability to walk, write and ultimately move. She could only mouth words and the cancer started invading every inch of her body. She was on a breathing and feeding tube. It took hundreds of thousands of dollars and three months of testing to figure out it was small cell cancer. My dad, the faithful man that he is, never gave up…until he realized one day that he was keeping her alive for him as their was no hope for recovery for Annie. My dad and my grandparents made the decision to take her off of life support. This was no way to live for her. She was always on the go, working hard for the family business and making light in the darkest hallways for everyone who came in contact with her. On July 19, 2011 Annie took her last breath and walked hand in hand with the Lord. The last hours I got to spend with her are precious. I watched my dad hug and kiss her and love her endlessly. She passed peacefully and although my dad blames himself for her illness, he was releaved that she no longer suffered. our hearts are heavy, eyes undry, but I know that she wouldn’t have wanted to be in that hospital one more day. My song to Annie is “Save a Place for Me” by Matthew West. My dad wrestles with anger and sorrow because she is his best friend. Her service was at Calvary Temple in Denver and I consider that my other home church when I’m not here in Greeley. Pastor Barry has known my dad for years and I always ask him to keep an eye out for my dad. I’m 30 years old and never did I think I would go a day without Annie. Never did I think that my dad would be alone in the home that my sister and I grew up in and they continue to live in. I miss her so very much Pastor Alan, but if I have to spend any amount of time on earth whether it be 10 minutes or another 70 years, it’s worth the wait. Not only will I get to see the Lord, but I will spend an eternity with Annie. I like how your mom graduated. Maybe she welcomed Annie in as their graduation was only a few days apart. I welcome the thought of graduating. Thanks for sharing.